Being back home, or in the city you grew up calling home, is difficult. Five years is a long time.
- Dad: Can you hurry up, please?
- Me: What's the rush?
- Dad: I call this hot chickie I have a date with. Super fly, you know what I mean?
My dad and I are drinking beer and watching Half Pint Brawlers.
He’s like the coolest dad ever. I’m absolutely certain.
Happy Father’s Day to the man standing six feet behind me wearing a “This Dad Needs a Beer” t-shirt and grinning like a fool.
- Dad: OH MY GOD! WAIT! GO BACK! IT'S THE PREVIEW FOR THE NEW ONE! I haven't seen it yet.
- Me: What are you yelling about?
- (flipping back through the channels)
- Dad: STOP STOP STOP! Right here. Oooh.
- Me: Are you serious right now? This is the preview for the new Twilight movie. I'm humiliated for you and for the fact that I am product of your loins.
- Dad: What? This one has werewolves. I hope that little vampire bitch gets eaten. I'm totally Team Jacob.
- Me: Dad, you're not going to be awkward tonight, right? Meeting Josh's parents and stuff? I need you to be charming since I'm going to be awkward as usual.
- Dad: What are you talking about? I'm awesome around new people. I got the lingo down and everything, ready? "Hey yo, esse, you been comin' round my barrio takin' out my daughter? You better treat her right or I'ma treat you right. Nam sayin?"
- Me: God, dad. These people are normal white people. Please, behave.
- Dad: I watch Cops and CSI and sometimes Nascar. I know how to behave around white people.