“The only things we have in common are an eventual death and an inability to keep our bodily fluids to ourselves.”
—
September 2011
3 posts
August 2011
3 posts
“What are men compared to rocks and mountains?”
—
September 2010
1 post
Being back home, or in the city you grew up calling home, is difficult. Five years is a long time.
August 2010
1 post
“I know you! You were puking in the parking lot the other night!”
—Things the man I met 5 minutes ago said to me that make me feel like a mature/productive human being
June 2010
15 posts
Illegal Signs →
illegalsigns.ca
Did you know there’s an entire sub-set of people in our society who drive around looking for illegal billboards? There are people who are passionate enough about illegal billboards that they are willing to be taken to court and repeatedly harassed by lawyers. Doesn’t that just blow your mind? Who are these people? How does one stumble upon this particular obsession?
- Dad: Can you hurry up, please?
- Me: What's the rush?
- Dad: I call this hot chickie I have a date with. Super fly, you know what I mean?
Do you ever just get sad about humanity?
I’m usually an obnoxiously positive person and then I watch a public health documentary. I’m watching Gasland and and I re-watched Blue Vinyl earlier today. It’s so depressing.
Father's Day
My dad and I are drinking beer and watching Half Pint Brawlers.
He’s like the coolest dad ever. I’m absolutely certain.
Happy Father’s Day to the man standing six feet behind me wearing a “This Dad Needs a Beer” t-shirt and grinning like a fool.
- Dad: OH MY GOD! WAIT! GO BACK! IT'S THE PREVIEW FOR THE NEW ONE! I haven't seen it yet.
- Me: What are you yelling about?
- (flipping back through the channels)
- Dad: STOP STOP STOP! Right here. Oooh.
- Me: Are you serious right now? This is the preview for the new Twilight movie. I'm humiliated for you and for the fact that I am product of your loins.
- Dad: What? This one has werewolves. I hope that little vampire bitch gets eaten. I'm totally Team Jacob.
- Me: Dad, you're not going to be awkward tonight, right? Meeting Josh's parents and stuff? I need you to be charming since I'm going to be awkward as usual.
- Dad: What are you talking about? I'm awesome around new people. I got the lingo down and everything, ready? "Hey yo, esse, you been comin' round my barrio takin' out my daughter? You better treat her right or I'ma treat you right. Nam sayin?"
- Me: God, dad. These people are normal white people. Please, behave.
- Dad: I watch Cops and CSI and sometimes Nascar. I know how to behave around white people.
