- Me: Dad, you're not going to be awkward tonight, right? Meeting Josh's parents and stuff? I need you to be charming since I'm going to be awkward as usual.
- Dad: What are you talking about? I'm awesome around new people. I got the lingo down and everything, ready? "Hey yo, esse, you been comin' round my barrio takin' out my daughter? You better treat her right or I'ma treat you right. Nam sayin?"
- Me: God, dad. These people are normal white people. Please, behave.
- Dad: I watch Cops and CSI and sometimes Nascar. I know how to behave around white people.